I'm really glad you haven't put me on a boat! I think I'd die of boredom after like, two hours. I mean, that one time we fought on the boats was pretty fun, but then we set like, half of them on fire so I'm pretty sure I'd be bored on a normal boat journey or whatever.
Well yeah, maybe. But just because I can make friends easily doesn't mean I can replace them! That's pretty awful, actually. I wouldn't want to find anyone to replace you!
[Nowi slaps Ginti's shoulder with an intense frown. It looks more like a pout, actually.]
You're the only Ginti out there! No one else can ever be you! So even if I make more friends who are great like you are, they're never going to be you!
...Okay, I've told you about what I do and all that, all the arbiter crap. And because of that, I don't really...
[...How do you even.]
I don't know. We forget people. A lot. Because we're designed that way. We forget everyone we meet after a few weeks if it takes that long.
So it's kind of weird to me to not replace people? Because I'm not used to having people to begin with, and even if I do have people, once they're gone it's not like I'm going to remember they were there at all.
[And that's...weird and vehement, though it's not really angry; just incredibly sharp.]
Look, I'm not going to forget about you or anything, don't be an idiot. It's like you said, things are different here - I still remember the shit that was going on back in the tower, so it's not like I'm going to forget anything that happens here either!
[Nowi tips her head again but that seems to have calmed her down.]
Well yeah, that's good! We'll be here for awhile so even if... even if you do forget some stuff when you go back home, at least it won't matter while we're here!
[Nowi kicks her legs for a moment but she's still focused on Ginti.]
I know I'm... kinda out there most of the time and maybe you wouldn't want to talk to me about stuff like that because I'm not really the sort of person who's good at that. But if you want to, I'll listen. I dunno if I can help, but I'm here, okay?
[It's quieter than it usually is; this entire thing is kind of a shitshow and he's not sure how much he wants to mention it, but it's not like ignoring it's been doing much good either.
Because things are different here and there's no forgetting everything that isn't convenient.]
You remember how I told you a long time ago that I did some stuff back home that wasn't exactly good? I didn't tell you what, but it was really questionable?
[It's blunt as hell, but there isn't a lot of emotional output behind it, surprisingly enough. Just kind of out there.]
It wasn't like war or trying to protect myself or anything. I wanted this girl gone so I lied to her and convinced her to let herself get sent to the Void. Promised I'd save her boyfriend if she let me do it.
[Nowi glances down at the city as she considers Ginti's words.]
Why did you do that? It doesn't sound like something you'd just do randomly. You've been really nice to me and I don't think you're a bad person. So there's more to that story, right?
...She'd been around for a while. Like an assistant, you know? I wanted to see if I could get answers out of her, to see if she'd react differently to things than most humans do.
She was just like the rest in the end, and she was annoying as hell on top of it. So I decided I wanted to get rid of her.
[He shrugs a bit, though eye contact isn't exactly a thing.]
I don't know. The original choice didn't involve her, it involved deciding between sparing the guy she liked and sending some person she didn't know to the Void. Whatever she said wouldn't matter for either of the other people - the guy she liked had already been sent to the Void and there wasn't any saving him from that, and I wasn't going to touch the other person based on her decision because no? Even I get that that's not something you do, and I'd catch hell for it from Nona even if I didn't. What mattered was the choice. Leaving her guy dead would get her reincarnated, killing the stranger would get her sent to the Void, that'd be it.
She just decided to go herself instead of sending somebody else, and I didn't argue with her because she was still making the damn choice for me.
[She falls silent again as she thinks about it. The silence doesn't last for long though.]
I don't really understand, 'cause I don't know what it's like for you. I'm a Manakete, not an Arbiter and not a human. So I don't really understand and I don't think I ever will. But it sounds like that wasn't really the right decision to make. Offering her a choice like that is pretty cruel, isn't it? I think I would have done the same thing if I was her. I would have sacrificed myself to save someone I really care about.
But that doesn't necessarily mean that she was a good person either. I don't know and I don't have any way of knowing that.
Maybe Arbiters aren't anything like humans or Manaketes, but we make mistakes. A lot of mistakes sometimes. And sometimes those mistakes are really, really bad. Sometimes they get people killed.
[She tips her head a bit.]
I don't think what you did was right. I feel really bad for that girl. But I still really, really like you, Ginti. I'm glad you told me about this. Is there anything I can do to help?
[It isn't really answering her question or anything, but it's something that probably should be said anyway; he doesn't get why, but it's something that he needs to verify before anything else - because Mayu sure as shit didn't do anything wrong and he doesn't want Nowi thinking that she did.]
She was an okay person, she was just weird, and she was weird in that sort of way that makes you not have many friends. Really loud, really fixated on stupid things, kind of an idiot. She was lonely a lot, I guess, so she spent all her time being obsessed with this guy. He was a musician, he treated her like crap during the game and he treated a bunch of other people worse when he was alive, so I sent him to the Void for all that.
She wasn't anything like he was, though, she died because of an accident, she fell and cracked her head open. So it's not like she deserved anything she got, she was just weird in a way no one really has patience for.
[...]
...I've been thinking about her a lot, I guess. Don't worry about it too much, though, I'm bad at this sort of thing so I've got no idea what to tell you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
invigorating) wrote2015-05-03 07:08 pm
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[...why.]
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[...]
...Anyway, I'm not putting you on one, so it doesn't really matter.
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Ah, come on, you could probably make friends with everyone within the first ten minutes anyway.
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[...okay that...that's one of those things where you realize it's probably weird as fuck as soon as it's been said, hang on]
1 / 2
[HANG ON, PROCESSING--]
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[Nowi slaps Ginti's shoulder with an intense frown. It looks more like a pout, actually.]
You're the only Ginti out there! No one else can ever be you! So even if I make more friends who are great like you are, they're never going to be you!
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[Mnnnnnnngh.]
Never mind, okay? It's weird circumstantial crap.
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What are you talking about?
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[...How do you even.]
I don't know. We forget people. A lot. Because we're designed that way. We forget everyone we meet after a few weeks if it takes that long.
So it's kind of weird to me to not replace people? Because I'm not used to having people to begin with, and even if I do have people, once they're gone it's not like I'm going to remember they were there at all.
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[She glances away and resumes kicking her legs while she thinks.]
...But you're not gonna forget me, right? 'Cause it's different here.
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[And that's...weird and vehement, though it's not really angry; just incredibly sharp.]
Look, I'm not going to forget about you or anything, don't be an idiot. It's like you said, things are different here - I still remember the shit that was going on back in the tower, so it's not like I'm going to forget anything that happens here either!
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Well yeah, that's good! We'll be here for awhile so even if... even if you do forget some stuff when you go back home, at least it won't matter while we're here!
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...Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
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...Are you okay?
[The question is quieter and more serious than Nowi usually gets.]
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I had a conversation with someone that kinda messed me up a while ago, that's all. I'll get over it.
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[Nowi kicks her legs for a moment but she's still focused on Ginti.]
I know I'm... kinda out there most of the time and maybe you wouldn't want to talk to me about stuff like that because I'm not really the sort of person who's good at that. But if you want to, I'll listen. I dunno if I can help, but I'm here, okay?
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[It's quieter than it usually is; this entire thing is kind of a shitshow and he's not sure how much he wants to mention it, but it's not like ignoring it's been doing much good either.
Because things are different here and there's no forgetting everything that isn't convenient.]
You remember how I told you a long time ago that I did some stuff back home that wasn't exactly good? I didn't tell you what, but it was really questionable?
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[It's blunt as hell, but there isn't a lot of emotional output behind it, surprisingly enough. Just kind of out there.]
It wasn't like war or trying to protect myself or anything. I wanted this girl gone so I lied to her and convinced her to let herself get sent to the Void. Promised I'd save her boyfriend if she let me do it.
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[Nowi glances down at the city as she considers Ginti's words.]
Why did you do that? It doesn't sound like something you'd just do randomly. You've been really nice to me and I don't think you're a bad person. So there's more to that story, right?
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She was just like the rest in the end, and she was annoying as hell on top of it. So I decided I wanted to get rid of her.
[He shrugs a bit, though eye contact isn't exactly a thing.]
I don't know. The original choice didn't involve her, it involved deciding between sparing the guy she liked and sending some person she didn't know to the Void. Whatever she said wouldn't matter for either of the other people - the guy she liked had already been sent to the Void and there wasn't any saving him from that, and I wasn't going to touch the other person based on her decision because no? Even I get that that's not something you do, and I'd catch hell for it from Nona even if I didn't. What mattered was the choice. Leaving her guy dead would get her reincarnated, killing the stranger would get her sent to the Void, that'd be it.
She just decided to go herself instead of sending somebody else, and I didn't argue with her because she was still making the damn choice for me.
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[She falls silent again as she thinks about it. The silence doesn't last for long though.]
I don't really understand, 'cause I don't know what it's like for you. I'm a Manakete, not an Arbiter and not a human. So I don't really understand and I don't think I ever will. But it sounds like that wasn't really the right decision to make. Offering her a choice like that is pretty cruel, isn't it? I think I would have done the same thing if I was her. I would have sacrificed myself to save someone I really care about.
But that doesn't necessarily mean that she was a good person either. I don't know and I don't have any way of knowing that.
Maybe Arbiters aren't anything like humans or Manaketes, but we make mistakes. A lot of mistakes sometimes. And sometimes those mistakes are really, really bad. Sometimes they get people killed.
[She tips her head a bit.]
I don't think what you did was right. I feel really bad for that girl. But I still really, really like you, Ginti. I'm glad you told me about this. Is there anything I can do to help?
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[It isn't really answering her question or anything, but it's something that probably should be said anyway; he doesn't get why, but it's something that he needs to verify before anything else - because Mayu sure as shit didn't do anything wrong and he doesn't want Nowi thinking that she did.]
She was an okay person, she was just weird, and she was weird in that sort of way that makes you not have many friends. Really loud, really fixated on stupid things, kind of an idiot. She was lonely a lot, I guess, so she spent all her time being obsessed with this guy. He was a musician, he treated her like crap during the game and he treated a bunch of other people worse when he was alive, so I sent him to the Void for all that.
She wasn't anything like he was, though, she died because of an accident, she fell and cracked her head open. So it's not like she deserved anything she got, she was just weird in a way no one really has patience for.
[...]
...I've been thinking about her a lot, I guess. Don't worry about it too much, though, I'm bad at this sort of thing so I've got no idea what to tell you.
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